The Holy Quadrinity
One Day At a Time returns February 8th!
✦ @pemberleynet get to know the members event day 1: a novel: Persuasion
Mary Poppins (1964) / Mary Poppins Returns (2018)
Whenever I see people quoting/referencing/parodying My Immortal it’s always one of the same four or five lines. You know the ones.
The iconic opening paragraph, “Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair… (et cetera).”
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”
“I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT… BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”
“Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.”
“And Loopin was masticating to it!”
As great as those are, I’d like to throw a spotlight on what I think are some of the underappreciated parts of this classic work of fanfiction.
- Ebony puts blood on her Count Chocula cereal instead of milk.
- Enoby is canonically a weeaboo and speaks to her friends in Fangirl Japanese.
- Harry’s scar is now a pentagram instead of a lightning bolt, so either he found some sort of spell to alter the appearance of the scar or he actually took the time to carve a pentagram into his forehead.
- There is an OC named either Tom Riddle or Tom Rid who works at a “punkgoff” store in Hogsmeade and has absolutely nothing to do with Voldemort, he just happens to have the exact same name.
- Tara somehow got Fred and George mixed up with Crabbe and Goyle.
- The reason Snape doesn’t like Harry in this fic is because Snape is Christian and Harry is a Satanist.
- Marty McFly literally appears out of nowhere to help Enoby travel through “tim” with his “tim machine.”
- Chapter 11 ends with Hagrid singing along to “a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.”
- Voldemort inexplicably speaks in Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe.
- Voldemort wears high heels.
- Draco has a flying black Mercedes-Benz and a black MCR broom.
- Snape has a Dork Mark on his penis.
- Speaking of penises, Draco is apparently “hung like a stallone.” I guess Tara is a Rambo fan?
- The Hedwig/Voldemort sex scene, wherein Hedwig is a male human instead of a female owl, for some reason.
- Dumbledore flies around on his broomstick while holding a loaf of rye bread. At least, that’s what I think Tara meant by “Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread.”
- Oh yeah, and Dumbledore is an Avril Lavigne fanboy, because of course he is.
- James Potter’s “goff” nickname is Samoro, because Tara erroneously believes this to be the masculine form of the name Samara.
- Draco’s singing voice is described as “a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson.”
- Tara’s brief feud with her editor Raven, as chronicled in the author’s notes, may or may not have had something to do with Raven borrowing Tara’s sweater and not giving it back. IDK, it’s unclear.
- Voldemort smokes a “gothic blak Nightmare b4 Christmas cigar.”
- McGonagall has the best insults, like “horny simpletons” and “mediocre dunces” and probably some others I’m forgetting.
- Dobby only appears once in the entire fic and literally all he does is watch Snape and Lupin have sex, and then run away crying.
- Sirius is referred to as Harry’s dogfather, and not gonna lie, even if it was a typo I think that is a genuinely clever pun.
- The Hogwarts janitor may or may not be Chuck Norris.
- Tara accurately predicted how Harry would defeat Voldemort in Deathly Hallows. No, really. “nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!!!!!111”
- This line: “Snap stated loafing meanly. He took out a kamera anvilly.”
- And this one: “‘Crosio!’ I shited pointing my wound. Snoop scremed and started running around da room screming.”
- “Azerbaijan”
- “Hoes of Wax”
- “Tom Bombodil”
- “Cornelio Fuck”
- “Professor Slutborn”
- “Preacher McGongol”
- “Lumpkin”
- “TaEbory”
- “The Bark Lord”
- “Vadermort”
This is truly the classic of our generation. I want students to explicate this for AP tests.
one of my favorite things about the pokemon universe is how the humans are esp. the bad guys
like mob boss giovonni can pull out a glock and waste my 10 y/o ass but he doesn’t he just accepts that i knocked out his cat and hands me money
I have my own theory that humans in the Pokemon world don’t even have a concept of direct violence. They settle all disputes through Pokemon battles, but also a human without pokemon is entirely helpless. This might lend its self further to the notion that humans can’t venture outside of towns without bringing trained pokemon to protect them. Like, can Pokemon world humans even throw a punch? I think the notion of humans ever directly using violence against one another without pokemon involved is something they can’t even think of.
In one of the movies ash just straight up clocks lucario
ash is innovative in a world where humans can’t punch
*steeples fingers* okay so I know this is a humorous fun joke but like…
Let’s think about this for a moment.
Mob Boss Giovanni probably has a gun. Given the level of technological development in pokemon’s universe it’s very unlikely that nobody invented gunpowder or ever thought to put it together into a weapon, or that Giovanni would procure one.
Let’s also assume the average ten-year-old bright-eyed pokemon trainer is not wearing a bulletproof vest, or has particularly impressive gun dodging abilities.
Giovanni shoots child, Giovanni probably dies immediately.
Why?
… i had not considered the MAD implications of pokemon.
i mean, when you think about it, the only thing protecting that entire world from rampaging monsters is that the monsters really like to be friends with people.
shes been talking for 30 minutes
Fam are snacking, napping and noting. :D
